


Sorting Hat Stand Up Comedy

by Yuval25



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Jokes, Stand Up Comedy, The Sorting Hat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-15 14:07:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9238334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yuval25/pseuds/Yuval25
Summary: The Sorting Hat tries its non-existent hand at stand up comedy.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know 0_0

"Greetings, students, first years, staff," the Sorting Hat mumbled from its position, perched on a shelf in the Headmaster's office. "The Hat's here to make you laugh."

Headmaster Dumbledore raised his eyes from the parchment he was signing – a truly innovative notion of increasing the students' off-curricular activities by forming clubs revolving around one area of interest or another – and raised a single, white eyebrow at the ancient Hat. The Hat grumbled in response, but carried on unconcerned.

"Are there redheads in the crowd? Aren't they a tad too loud?"

Dumbledore smiled under his mustache.

"I had known a redhead once. You wouldn’t know it at first glance. But underneath the formal wear. The man would talk too much to bear."

Dumbledore snorted. The Sorting Hat's recall of his time with his creator, Godric Gryffindor, was always amusing to hear.

"There came a time upon my friend, where he asked for a witch's hand. His proposition took a while. He spoke all the way down the aisle."

The Sorting Hat hummed thoughtfully, and after a brief pause, carried on with its narration.

"Though long haired men are far, far worse, at least they don't throw curse after curse. The man I knew, bless his soul, did not possess subtlety at all."

Dumbledore couldn't hold back a chuckle.

"Stand Up comedy, Sorting Hat?" the Headmaster asked, unable to suppress his amusement.

"I am a Hat that can talk. I can't even walk. Why is it such a huge shock?" the Hat sniped back.

"Why, if I had known you had such a talent, I would have organized open stage nights decades ago," Dumbledore said, eyes twinkling.

The Hat snuffed. "Spare me the plotting, good old Dumbledore. This is not what I was made for."

"It could be, though. You sure do have skills."

"My skills are many, my abilities are few. There are many things I'd like to, but cannot, do."

"Like Stand Up comedy?"

"Exactly like that."

"That was not a rhyme."

"Well, I'm a Sorting Hat."

"…"

"Not a bard."


End file.
